I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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