I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
