Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
