Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
