matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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