I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
