I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
