It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
