clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
