we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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