The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
