Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
