Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
