i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
