I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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