also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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