Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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