i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
