I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
