So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
