Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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