weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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