Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
someone threw a dead crab at me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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