I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
