god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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