her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
