i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
