he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize