I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
