apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
