I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
