i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
