Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
