A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize