Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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