Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
