she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
