I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
