I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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