apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
