I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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