Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
