My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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