On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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