Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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