He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
