Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize