soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
