Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
