He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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