I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize