I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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