never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
