I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
