I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
