The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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