Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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