check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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