I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize