My brain says no but my pants say off.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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