so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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