i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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