My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
