You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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