I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
