found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate