I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
