I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.