I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
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Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders