What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off