So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM