he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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