My first STD was from a foam party
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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