I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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